Don’t get me wrong… to quote Twilight I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with London. But not many of us want to read gushing posts of adoration whether it’s for a puppy, baby or your home town. In fact most of us secretly relish at cynicism and mundane moans, lapping up a bit of sarcasm and less than perfect view on things.
So instead of writing a cliché love letter to my cherished London, I’m ripping it to pieces. Because that’s what you do when you love something, right? Or at least that’s what my Mum told me when the boys at junior school were mean…
London is a terrible place. Full of skyscrapers and open green parks. Ew what was I thinking moving to such a city of horror? To release some of my hatred for my home town, I’m listing off not one, but TEN things I hate about London.
Who on earth decided that people would want delicious food from respectable restaurants delivered straight to their door for them to enjoy in their cosy fluffy PJs whilst watching Take me Out? Dreadful.
Dog Friendly Dining
Restaurants, bars and even afternoon tea, each accepting dogs as paying customers so us human folk can dine with our pups. Disturbing.
The Café Culture
Thousands of independent cafes each serving homemade breakfasts, fresh smoothies and quality coffee that hasn’t come from tax-avoiding chains or been delivered in batch. One even has cats in it. Quite disconcerting.
Late Night Shopping
Why oh why would I want to spend my weekday evenings slowly mooching around an unlimited option of clothes, shoes and independent shops open until I later on curl into bed? Surely I can find that perfect dress in my short lunch break or be better off beating the tourists at the weekend? Disgraceful.
Who thought that people would want to pair scrambled eggs and pancakes with unlimited Prosecco? WHY? Disgusting.
24 Hour Travel
A train and bus network that takes me from my favourite late night bar to my neighbourhood with less than a 15 minute wait? So disappointing.
Market to Market
Squares and streets across the city, each packed with cheap quality food, fresh flowers and vintage collectables from across the world, available all day every day. Oh hell no, take me to Tesco. Distressing.
Movies played outdoors? In the sunshine? Without people next to my ear throwing popcorn in their gob? How dull.
Drinks based on stories and served with small snacks… a glowing backdrop of a city skyline lit up behind creative baristas, working in some of the best bars in the world. How bloody depressing.
Free Entry to a World of Museums
Why be so different London? Charge us for your museums and galleries like every other European city god damn it! Don’t be so deceitful.
Sshesh. Think it’s about time I moved.
This post was written as a part of the ‘home’ Travel Linkup hosted on Follow Your Sunshine, SilverSpoon London, Adventures of a London Kiwi or on the blog of our lovely guest host Ngaire at Kiwi Footprints. You can join in each month by linking your post in the widget.
I adore this – and did you know that Deliveroo now delivers to park entrances for picnics? Terrible huh!
That is shameful. How dare you Deliveroo!
Golly, what a horrid place! I love your take on this, had me grinning from ear to ear! #travellinkup
Haha thank you! Always happy to result in a grin 🙂
Golly what a horrid place!! Totally LOVED your take on this! I’m stalking your blog for the rest of the afternoon! #travellinkup
Well isn’t London just dreadful – I miss it 🙁
Gosh what an awful place to call home! Haha, love it and miss it so much when I read all this!
Thank you! I don’t think I could leave 🙂
Brilliant interpretation on why London is such a horrible place to be!
Oh my god, I love this! You actually make me want to move to London right now – this was a much better idea than writing a classic love letter for sure!!
Thank you! I thought well I could write about all the things I love… but we all know what that is!
Sounds terrible! I love your interpretation of ‘home’ and am not jealous at all of the amazing city you’re lucky enough to live in reading this 😉
It’s bloody awful 😉 You’ll have to come and visit sometime!
I miss all of these things about London #travellinkup
Hahaha love it. Somehow each little blurb reminded me of tweets by a certain President I am familiar with. Disgusting. ( ;P )
It all sounds like torture!!!
Haha, loved this twist! Thanks for reminding me why I love – I mean, – hate London <3
Yeah London’s just horrible right 😉
really, really horrible things:))