Sometimes being a travel blogger can be a real bitch.
I know I know, I can’t complain right? But with this month’s travel linkup themed around the outtakes of globetrotting, I couldn’t help but reflect upon the humorous yet unfortunate consequences of this supposedly perfect lifestyle.
So leave your jealousy to one side, gloat in smug glory and have a giggle at the perils and pitfalls that come hand in hand with being a travel blogger (and travelling with one)… accompanied by the photos I didn’t intend for you to see.
Note: Some of the below statements have been oh so slightly exaggerated purely for my (your) entertainment.
The Photographer Squat
When you can envisage a perfect picture of those mountains with the glistening snow beneath them so have to squeeze those glutes and squat. Or when you have to bend over to capture those cocktails whilst in a glamorous dress and heels as the punters around you whisper ‘what the f*** is she doing?!’
The Melting Dessert
When you really want to capture that impressive structure of a dessert but the restaurant lighting is fluorescent yellow, there are thousands of napkins in the background and the ice cream is a melting time bomb.
The Creep at the Pool
There’s nothing I dread more about doing a hotel review than the moment I have to sneak around in my bikini with my camera pointing at the pool whilst protective Dads and self-conscious women give me a death stare. I’M SORRY I REALLY AM.
The Restaurant Silent Shuffle
When you have to capture the ‘ambience’ of the restaurant without getting in the way of waiters or knocking over diner’s wine so silently creep through the restaurant… and then your flash goes off.
The Over Spender
I can budget all I want for a holiday but when I’m abroad I’m THE WORST person for shopping, ordering expensive cocktails and having the general attitude of ‘but I might never come here again!’ = spends way more than I wanted to.
The Unhappy yet Glamorous Looking Flyer
Before I became a blogger I would board a plane in my comfiest leggings/jumper combo without a scrap of makeup on my face. Now I have to find the perfect comfy yet presentable outfit and set my alarm those ten minutes earlier to ensure that I look reasonable enough for meeting PRs, facing Instagram stories and capturing those unplanned ‘thank god I put my makeup on’ shots.
The Extra Baggage
I took two coats to Budapest for a 3 night trip. Not because I needed them, but because I didn’t want all my pictures to look exactly the same. What is my life.
The Wi-Fi Zombie
I post on Instagram about 2-3 times a day. That means that whenever I see ‘free Wi-Fi’ I suddenly become engrossed in the 5 minute process of transferring images to my phone, quickly editing and uploading with the perfect caption and hashtag combination. Then as soon as I’m finished I can guarantee I’ll tell my accompanying travellers to get off their phone.
The Fun Police
DON’T JUMP ON THE BED, DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING, DON’T YOU DARE EAT YOUR FOOD YET. Yep… fun police.
When you trying to get an outfit pic and then your dog decides to do their business #bloglife
The Subconscious Who Won’t Shut Up
Since becoming a travel blogger I seem to have been invaded by a very demanding subconscious who is constantly asking me if I’ve taken enough pictures, if I’m going to stop and pose by that tree, if I’ve got time to quickly see that castle. Bitch shut up and let me enjoy my holiday.
The ‘I Didn’t Get This For Free’ Rant
Just because you get a complimentary meal does not mean that it’s free. During each plate I am constantly thinking about how I can describe it later on and how I can creatively capture the next dish that’s placed in front of me. And that’s before we get to the good 3-5 hours of photo editing, writing and layout design that comes with each blog post.
The Travel Deals Slut
Coping with wanderlust whilst you’re not soaking up the sun abroad is definitely the hardest thing about being a travel blogger. I’m constantly flooded with last minute deals, cheap flights and discounted luxury packages that have me filling in details up until the pay now option every time.
The Feeling like a Weirdo
Sometimes, I might take a picture of a lift button. Sometimes, I might take TEN pictures. Most people won’t actually ask what you’re doing but you will forever have that feeling that people are looking at you.
The Stingy Annual Leave-R
No matter how many times you ask I always have the same (if not less) annual leave than you. I’m just a pro at planning weekend trips, short breaks and making the most of my bank holidays. But it does mean I am SUPER stingy with my annual leave and I’m really sorry but I’m not going to give up one of my precious days for anything less than a bucket list destination.
The post blog picture 'How the F did I even get here' manoeuvre
The Detail Memory Loss
Trying to remember the name of your cocktail when you roll back into your hotel room three too many... speed noting down the facts the tour guide is reading from a scroll about the fascinating history of the ancient building you stand in… missing one of the ingredients from your description of your meal because you were too distracted to check what it was with your waiter.
How the Fudge Am I Going to Blog About This?
Sometimes I’ll look back at my 956 pictures and just sit there staring wondering how on earth I’m going to A) narrow them down and B) write about the tourist surrounded statue that has been included in a dozen ‘top things to do in…’ posts already.
Eppie does not like heavy backpacks. Full stop.
When you cry at the top of the Big Shot in Vegas....
Oh the shade of it all (if you get this reference we need to be friends).
Next time you’re perving over Instagram and sighing in envy at the image of a girl dreamily floating towards the glistening sea, just remember how god damn annoying it was for her to get that shot and feel free to laugh at her expense as you spend far longer relaxing and reading on that exact same beach.
If anything writing this post has made me chuckle and reminisce at some forgotten photos from far too long ago. Perhaps we should all just taking ourselves so seriously?